Sexolve 105: ‘Will Too Much Masturbation Make My Penis Fall Off?’

“Am I wrong to avoid my boyfriend if his love is stifling me?’’, and other questions answered by Harish Iyer.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

‘My Boyfriend’s Love Stifles Me’

Dear RainbowMan,

I have been reading your column since the very first Sexolve. Thank you for giving me the courage to write to you, rather anonymously. I would like to share something with you. I was involved with a guy for four months. In these four months, I saw the sun and the moon and the stars.

My boyfriend was very, very helpful, generous and loving. In fact, in comparison, I thought I never loved him. He would open the door for me, ensure I take rest, buy me the best gifts and love me entirely. I was like the centre of his world. He continues to love me. However, I felt stifled in his company.

I wanted more from life and everyday I spent with him, I thought I was more and more incapable of reciprocating his love. His love for me is undying, but I for one had no space to breathe. He was everywhere. I decided to move out for my own sanity and so that he could focus on his life beyond me. However, now he calls me everyday and I find it difficult to stay away from him. What should I do to get away from him? He is a nice person. I don’t want to hurt him.

Regards,
The Girl Who Broke Someone’s Heart

Dear Girl,

Thank you for reading my column and thank you for sharing something so private with me. I know that it must have taken you some courage to trust a stranger with your issues.

I used to firmly believe that there is nothing like too much love. I now believe that moderation is the way to a peaceful life. Your lover should have time to love himself. He should have time to groom himself. What you did was not wrong. You had his best interests in mind and had your best interests too.

However, I would suggest that you speak to him. True love only happens once in a blue moon. If he invests so much of himself in the affair, maybe he truly loves you.

Maybe he doesnt know that his feelings are taking an obsessive turn. Maybe you are assuming he knew while he was overdoing. Maybe he was just overwhelmed with love and thought he was doing a good thing.

Maybe, he has his own insecurities and he held you too tight that you couldn’t breathe. Maybe he never knew moderation.

Maybe, he would be able to help himself and you if you have a proper dialogue that opens doors rather than closing relationships. Maybe, you yourself have made up your mind about a closed door. Maybe you need to open yourself. Walking out is the easiest thing to do.

Working out things seems very difficult at times. But if there is love, it is possible. Give your heart some exercise. Give him a hand. And then, if things don’t work, it will be because it will not work. But keep an open mind and open your heart to the possibility of love in moderation. Such love, as I said, is rare. Don’t miss out on the gem.

Love,
RainbowMan

P.S. One last push. And I guess it will work. #TouchWood.

‘How Can I Have Fun Without a Condom?’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 27-year-old gay man. I have been associated with a group that engages in group fun. I know you may hate me for sharing this and think that I am wayward and not answer this question, but I thought I should give it a shot. I love group fun, I usually am a top, but the problem is that I do not like the idea of wearing a condom. Is there any other way that I could enjoy without a condom?

Man-of-Fantasy

Dear Man-of-Fantasy

Thank you for trusting me and sharing with me. No, I will not judge you for your fantasies as long as it is with an adult and it is done in private.

You’ve got to listen to me carefully. The best way to prevent HIV (and other STDs) from spreading is to wear a condom. Whether you are a top (active) or bottom (passive) or versatile, you should ensure that all parties in the group-fun are wearing condoms, including you.

There are medicines that you could take pre-HIV exposure, but how can you trust any person in the testosterone filled room of group fun, unless you actually see it? The best thing is that a condom is seen, and you can validate it.

Regards,
RainbowMan

P.S. Please don’t risk your life. There’s not just HIV, but many other diseases.

Dear RainbowMan,

Does excessive masturbation lead to the dislodging of the penis? A friend told me so.

Worried Man

Dear Worried Man,

Not to the best of my knowlege, has anyone’s penis been dislodged because of masturbation. However, you should consult a physician for further details on this. I would say that anything in excess is bad. Masturbate only when you feel excited, don’t make it an obsession.

Love,
Rainbowman

P.S. Divert your mind.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to [e-mail].)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)