#LetsTalkSex: Does Having a Low Libido Affect Your Sex Life?

Not wanting to have regular sex can affect your relationship adversely. 

Updated10 Jun 2019, 04:59 AM IST
Let's talk sex
3 min read

Too caught up to read this story? Listen to it, instead.

A person’s sexual desire or libido can get affected because of various reasons. Not finding their partners attractive is rarely one of them. No matter how much we overlook it, sexual anxiety is a real thing.

When someone has a higher libido as compared to their partner, it's highly likely for them to feel unattractive or unwanted by their other half. This leaves them standing in front of the wall of rejection, beyond which they are unable to see the real problem behind the issue.

Whether you’re a woman or a man, experiencing  low libido is quite common.
Whether you’re a woman or a man, experiencing low libido is quite common.
(Photo courtesy: Unsplash.com)

While its completely normal to feel nervous when under the sheets or not feel like having sex, the repetition of this feeling can affect a relationship. But it’s not just one of the two partner’s fault, neither is it one person’s responsibility to fix it.

Blame Game vs Addressing the Real Issue

In most of the cases, people choose to blame their partners for their own feelings of sexual rejection, but the reasons behind not wanting sex can be several.

And for the partner with low libido, the blame can make them turn further away from sex.

Being blamed for whatever reason can create a lot of self-doubt and leave you frustrated. Saying ‘yes’ when not in the mood contaminates the relationship and can make a person resent their partners.
Vickie Rai, Mental Health Counselor
There is no space for communication when partners are busy playing the blame game.
There is no space for communication when partners are busy playing the blame game.
(Photo courtesy: Parenting.FirstCry.com)

One might avoid sex when the relationship appears to lack intimacy, or when they are stressed or depressed. In some cases, it can happen if they are suffering from medical illnesses or if they have negative past experiences. But many times, it’s also because of their daily life pattern, and the exhaustion that accompanies work life. None of these mean that they don’t love their partner.

Love and Sex Do Not Share the Same Blanket

For someone who struggles with sex, having a partner with a higher libido just adds more weight to their already existing stress. Sometimes they might even end up feeling that they are wanted by their partners for nothing but sex.

Even when my partner does not say it directly, the thought is still very much at the back of my head. We both love each other, but what if the feeling of love is not enough and having sex is the only important thing. There are times when work, travel or even other responsibilities make me not feel like having sex. But somehow, love is always measured in terms of ‘love-making.’

Even bringing up the topic of not having sex in front of someone who is trying hard to get there, can lead to drowning in an ocean of toxic emotions about themselves. In such situations, they often give up and have sex just to please their partner.

For those who have a higher libido, it is important to take tiny steps, hear your partner out and begin with some basic forms of touch that make them feel good and relaxed, without necessarily having to lead to sex.
People often confuse sex with intimacy.
People often confuse sex with intimacy.
(Photo courtesy: Unsplash.com)
People often confuse sex with intimacy. Having sex when not in the mood lacks intimacy, and it’s a big thing, as there is no room for the person to feel comfortable enough to express what they feel. So, it’s important to ask and listen to them once they speak. Empathising with them creates a cushion of understanding.   
Vickie Rai, Mental Health Counselor

If your partner doesn’t feel free enough to tell what going on inside, how will you ever be able to address the issue, or resolve it?

It isn’t really that difficult to find a solution, but first - Listen to understand.

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Published: 09 May 2019, 09:32 AM IST
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