This #NoShaveNovember, Let’s Talk About Mr Penis
This #NoShaveNovember, remember to educate your bhai-friends and boyfriends about male sexual health.
This #NoShaveNovember, remember to educate your bhai-friends and boyfriends about male sexual health.(Photo: iStock)

This #NoShaveNovember, Let’s Talk About Mr Penis

#NoShaveNovember is an initiative not just to ensure that all males sport well-groomed tresses down their chin with a if-looks-could-kill appearance. In fact it came about as an initiative to create awareness on cancer in men. It seems like a good opportunity to speak about male sexual health. And the conversation on male sexual health cannot be complete without discussing Mr Penis.

Now, the presence of a penis classifies a person as male, but boys are rarely told what their dangling bits are called.

They are given all kinds of nicknames, some funny, some insulting. There is some sense of awkwardness in taking the right name.

A penis is a penis is a penis. At maturity, human females menstruate, human males spermeate.

While there is the mandatory pep talk by the women to the girls who start menstruating for the first time, there usually isn’t any kind of discussion between men and boys. 

Most boys are puzzled and wonder why they dream the way they dream and mistakenly wonder why they have this sticky thing oozing out of their penis. There is embarrassment because of the stains in the underwear and the foul smell, but they have no one to speak to about the going-ons with their little friend.

Also, the taboo around discussing sex somehow permeates into a child’s mind, making him embarrassed about his sexual feelings.

I have answered more than 200 queries in the sexolve column, most involve the penis in some way or the other.

While we should steer away from generalisations, we should acknowledge that there is a problem out there.

My professor told me, “To address the issue we need to undress the issue.”

Here is an attempt at decoding the mystery of Mr Penis.

Also read: It May Sound ‘Beard’, but No Shave November Is for a Cause

Chhota Bhai?

Some people are obsessed with penis size, there are some others who are genuinely concerned about their “performance” in bed.
Some people are obsessed with penis size, there are some others who are genuinely concerned about their “performance” in bed.
(Photo: iStock)

I make no unintended references to any filmstar. So don’t pass that buck to me. Chhota Bhai is common slang used for the penis in Hindi. Some take it way too literally. (In fact there are some jokes that I have grown up with: “How to insult a man? Ans: When you are ‘at it’, just ask him “is it in yet?”).

In fact, most men-to-men dating sites and apps have the option of mentioning your size. 

Straight men too brag about their own Mr Penis. And say things like “he must have a small one” to insult fellow men. It’s true that while some people are obsessed with penis size, there are some others who are genuinely concerned about their “performance” in bed.

Markus MacGill’s seemingly well-referenced piece suggests that the average size of the flaccid penis could be as low as 3.5 inches when flaccid. However, it is also true that penis sizes vary from country to country.

Still, if one thinks that their Chhota Bhai is way too chhota, they should visit the doctor for a check-up.

PS: Just because one has a big penis, doesn’t mean he sexually satisfies his partner.

Also read: Gents’ Problems: How To Reduce Sensitivity Of My Penis?

Besties Like Testes

(Photo: iStock)

Males have balls. A little injury to your testicles could lead to a lot of pain. There is a reason why cricketers wear a crotch guard.

And it is important that we wear tight underwear or a supporter when we lift heavy weights to avoid feeling the pressure on your testes. 

Testicles are the sperm factory of a man’s body.

Though there are more factors that determine sperm production and potency, one can say that in an ideal scenario, healthy testicles will help you with a decent production of sperm.

Also Read: Sexolve 75: ‘I Have an Enormous Penis & I’m Embarrassed by It’

Jerk, But Don’t Be One!

Masturbation however should not become an Olympic sport.
Masturbation however should not become an Olympic sport.
(Photo: iStock)

This is yet another high school boys joke – The law of motion: forward and backward motion, gives a white lotion.

Masturbation, however, should not become an Olympic sport.

One needs to do so only when sexually excited and not make jerking an obsessive hobby. Addiction of any kind is bad.

Mr Penis Needs A Bath Too

Penal hygiene is deeply neglected.

For the uncircumcised, it is important to pull your foreskin back and clean your penis, as sperm can solidify and stick to the part of your penis.

Also after peeing, there is a need to wash your penis. It may not be always possible as urinals don’t generally come with faucets, however, one should ensure that the penis is also washed dutifully every time during a bath.

Also read: ‘The Privileges of a Penis’ Is a Slap On The Face of Patriarchy

Uncover During Conception, Else Use Contraception

Let me just say that when you have casual intercourse, have a condom on your penis if you don’t want to become a father.
Let me just say that when you have casual intercourse, have a condom on your penis if you don’t want to become a father.
(Photo: iStock)

You need the sperm to enter the vagina if you intend to have a baby through the natural process. However, one needs to ensure that they use contraception on every other conceivable occasion.

I am jargonising it so that this doesn’t become a discourse on intercourse.

Let me just say that when you have casual intercourse, have a condom on your penis if you don’t want to become a father. 

Condom also protects you from several sexually transmitted diseases, if not all.

Shake It Like A Booty? Mostly Eww, Not Aww!

Give Mr Penis the comfort of being controlled by wearing a underwear.
Give Mr Penis the comfort of being controlled by wearing a underwear.
(Photo: iStock)

One needs to keep Mr Penis in check so that he is not dangling around in the pant. Give him the comfort of being controlled by wearing an underwear.

All though I know that someone would build a false equivalence by comparing this with the #FreeTheNipple campaign that encourages women to go bra-free, I dare to say it – WEAR AN UNDERWEAR. 
Some men specifically position their penis in a way that the bulge is seen when they have their pants on. Which may be still better than a penis which is left in suspended animation to oscillate at the mercy of gravity and centrifugal force. 

Arrest the penis in an underwear. It is good for the penis too.

Also read: You Asked, We Answered: Questions on ‘Gents’ Problems’

Detach The Idea Of “Mardangi” From Your Penis

It is important to remember that we don’t degrade Mr Penis by relegating him to be the villain. 
It is important to remember that we don’t degrade Mr Penis by relegating him to be the villain. 
(Photo: iStock)

The idea of masculinity sometimes is equally proportionate to patriarchy. And it is true that patriarchy is not restricted to just males. It is porous and percolates to other genders.

It is important to remember that we don’t degrade Mr Penis by relegating him to be the villain when we use terms like ‘Take his ass’ ‘Keh ke Loonga’. 

Words have consequences. And words create imagination. Imagination creates an image.

It should be right to ask people to move away from such trites that relegate Mr Penis to a post that makes it equal to those who believe in revenge rape. And Rape.

In fact, such words have become so common place that we tend to not remember the real action of these phrases. Well, it’s not that one should not swear, not taking an overtly moralistic stance here, but one should be aware of the occasion, the premise and the imagination it could create depending on the audience.

This #NoShaveNovember remember to educate your bhai-friends and boyfriends about male sexual health. Not that we need to be way too obsessively anal about it, but penal health is a concern.

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals. ‘Rainbow Man’ is Harish’s regular blog for The Quint.)

Also read: This No Shave November Let’s Raise Awareness About Men’s Health

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