Arjun Mathur was just 13, when his mother passed away. It was a car accident. His father had been driving.
The loss was sudden, irrevocable, and left on the 13-year-old Arjun a huge impact. Opening up years later, Arjun spoke to pioneering child therapist, Shelja Sen, Founder of Children First, at their ‘Imagine’ conference about how the media can play a huge role, especially for a kid who struggles to be understood in the aftermath of a family tragedy. The conference brought together young adults, parents, teachers and experts from Children First and elsewhere for an intimate conversation on parenting, mental health and emotional bonding.
'My Insecurity Came From That Phase In My Life'
At the moment tragedy hit, Arjun was dumbfounded, shocked and sad. But then, as time passed, he began to pick up the pieces of his life and move on. However, he says the impact of the tragedy emotionally didn't hit him, until he had grown up.
“I can trace back every fault, insecurity and doubt to those years”
Arjun says the loss of a foundation, that the mother ends up providing to a child, made his confidence and self esteem suffer. But he braved it all and emerged stronger on the other side.
'There was a lot of friction between my father and I'
Because Arjun's father was driving the car, he had a lot of guilt. But with the loss of his partner and wife, he was unable to provide emotional support to his kids.
Arjun also grew up with a lot of fear of his father. But he advises that the language spoken to a child must be chosen very carefully.
'Empathy Started Coming to Me'
Arjun says because of the tragedy, he grew up as a sensitive child. And even though he had always wanted to become an actor, his experiences made him more attuned to emotions.
Arjun's drive to become an actor became stronger after his mother, because creativity of any kind, becomes intensely therapeutic to anyone going through a grief of any kind.
Even in terms of his roles, Arjun Mathur says it's important to him to choose and tell strong stories.
As for what his mother would think of him, Arjun says, "She would have loved what I am doing. She'd have been proud. That's my biggest drive"
'To Anyone Going Through The Same, Know That It's Okay to Feel the Pain'
I asked Arjun to tell me what is the one thing he wished he knew as a teen. He says, "I wish I knew that it's gonna be okay."
Meanwhile when Shelja Sen, the story weaver interviewing him asked him what he would say to anyone else going through the same pain, here's what Arjun said.
However, Arjun makes sure to tell them, that it's never going to be okay.
Arjun also wants not just the media, but the public too, to normalise talking about pain. "Anyone who has a void should talk about this"
Arjun's story is a reminder about the resilience of the human spirit, also gently prodding us to be open about our loss, and vulnerabilities.
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