We all know that feeling. That feeling of totally uncalled for and probably even illogical jealousy and resentment which assails us the moment we open our social media accounts. Maybe Riya looks better in a bikini than you ever will, Or maybe Dhruv is taking that solo trip across the USA which you were meant to be on. Everyone’s moving forward: getting married, having kids, becoming rich and famous. Everyone but you, that is. Am I right?
And then suddenly your small achievements don’t matter. Maybe you were having a fabulous hair day, or maybe you finally wrote that article you were postponing for weeks or maybe you simply were able to control your moods better. But then you logged on, and these things just don’t seem significant any longer.
The worst of it is, it’s not so temporary as we’d like to believe. Those images and statuses may even remain burned in your brain long after you log off. And it may become the threshold with which you compare your own life, even if it’s unconscious.
What can you do to stop letting it make you feel so insecure and resentful?
Don’t Look at Just the Parts, Try to See the Whole
What do you put on social media? Would you put a selfie in which that humongous zit is showing? Or will you talk about the negative appraisal you got? Or is your Instagram just a happy reel of your travel pictures and filtered photographs? If your answer is the later, don’t worry, everyone’s in the same boat. We are all selective about what we put on social media – and there’s no harm in it. There’s nothing in wrong in not wanting to air our dirty laundry in public or in wanting to present ourselves in the best way possible- but it’s important to remember that we do it.
If you are objective of what you put out there, why should you take someone else’s post on face value? We all jazz up our own reality but then, why think that their stories are accurate representations?
The thing is what is really going on in a person’s life is way deeper than the microscopic representation in social media – and you simply don’t know their life deeply enough to compare it to yours.
Be Real
While there’s nothing wrong with a little gloss, if it’s affecting us all why not break the cycle? Do you really need 3 filters for that photo? And why can’t we talk about the things that matter? This isn’t an encouragement to get all your dialogues on social media – but if this is where it’s all happening can we try to be as real as possible?
Because we all are a part of the cycle.
You may feel resentment by someone else, but there might be someone who envies you.
Concentrate on What You Like About You
Some jealousies and insecurities are normal, but when someone else’s life makes you start resenting yours, the issue is deeper rooted. Take some time out to think what is it that you don’t like about the life you’re currently leading and what can you do to change it.
While it’s good to focus on what needs changing, don’t forget to stop and remember what is already wonderful about you and your life.
Notice the things which are in your favour, notice the small changes and the nuances about your life. Maybe start a gratitude journal. We’ll always find something to crib about but gratitude goes a much longer way.
Turn Jealousy Into Appreciation
What is jealousy? Being jealous of something essentially means that you covet that person or thing, right? So why not instead just be appreciative.
There’s no harm in liking something in someone and wanting it for yourself, but while jealousy makes you petty and indulge in self pity, appreciation gives you goals.
Detox Every Once in a While
Social media is definitely handy in today’s times, whether it be for work, or keeping in touch with friends or for knowing what’s happening around the globe. But too much of it can be detrimental to mental health, and it’s also all too easy to get addicted too.
While detaching completely might not work, taking small breaks may be a good middle ground.
Maybe you can make certain schedules that you stick to – like no social media half an hour before bed and after waking up. Maybe you can delete the apps for a week or two, or even just unfollow accounts that make you feel unworthy. The focus should be on you and what you need to detox.
(Prachi Jain is a psychologist, trainer, optimist, reader and lover of Red Velvets.)
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