Sexolve 127: ‘How Do I Get Rid of Lice in My Pubic Hair?’
Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As below:
‘My Parents Got Me Married to a Guy Who Rapes Me, Despite Knowing I’m Lesbian’
I am a 26-year-old lesbian. I was forcefully married to a man by my parents when I came out to them. I was just 19 when I got married. I was constantly raped by my so-called husband when I denied him sex. Every day in the morning, I had to smile and put up a happy face in front of my in-laws. In the night though, I had to swallow my pride and kill myself every night as he would enter me. I was not allowed to scream as he would shut my mouth with his hands. My parents did not take me in their home because it is not what “decent” girls do – they don’t come back crying to their parents.
I am so upset every time. I feel like killing myself. I hate it when we have Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day and all these days because the one responsible for my rape and this state of mine are my parents only. I hate myself. I hate my parents more. I really hate them. Why should we respect parents? Why? I think something is wrong with me. So wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with you. You have the right to feel angry. Did you hear that? YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. Do not be harsh on yourself. Do not hate yourself or blame yourself for what you have landed into. It is definitely not your fault.
Your parents have forced you into a relationship. Your parents ensured that you don’t get freedom. This is not culture.
What kind of culture are they protecting that they cannot stand for the respect and protection of their own child? They didn’t protect you, rather they stood aside when you needed them… you are not obliged to respect them more than what you would respect any other acquaintance.
This is however, not about your parents. This is about you.
We need to find a way that you get independent and are able to stand on your own feet and take your own decisions. For this, you would need to meet like-minded people and also need to build up courage to walk into your own life on your own terms.
Begin with writing to umangLbt@gmail.com they are a support group for lesbian women. Their helpline number is +919930095856. Please write to them or call them. You will also need to see a counsellor, who could understand you and help you take your decisions to the next level.
Things will get better.
PS: Hang in there. Sunlight is just around the corner.
‘I Had My Foreskin Removed Against My Will’
I was 15 when my father took me to the doctor. I had no physical ailments. No medical challenges, whatsoever. I was asked to remove my clothes. I was down to my shorts. The doctor asked me to remove my underwear, I felt shy. My father told me that I should and before I could understand, my underwear was pulled down by two of the doctor’s assistants. In just a while, there was anesthesia and I realised that my foreskin was removed. That day leaves a bad taste in my mind even now. It scares me to remember how helpless I was that day when I couldn’t defend my own body. I am 21 now and was recently told by my father that he wanted to prevent me from masturbating, that’s why he removed my foreskin. I am gay and I see men retract their foreskin and feel the urge to do so, I feel handicapped. I feel challenged. Do you understand me? Am I making sense?
Confused Gay Guy
Dear Confused Gay Guy,
Thank you for sharing something that is so very personal with me. I understand the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of being pinned down and not having the ability to do anything about it. I know that this confusion is justified. I also know that there is a road beyond this confusion that is clear and clean.
I want you to understand that we all need to forgive ourselves from the sins that others commit on us. In fact, why would anyone need to forgive anyone who has not sinned in the first place. We are the survivors, not the assaultors.
I suggest that you get in touch with a counsellor very soon. You make a lot of sense. You need to understand.
‘How Do I Get Rid of Pubic Lice’
I have got a lot of hair in my “gents pucchi” and lots of lice inside them. How do I get rid of those. I like hair there. I cannot shave.
Dear Scrotum Sin,
Firstly it is called penis and not “gents pucchi”. Let’s use the right words.
I would suggest that you visit the doctor and ask them for a proper prescription. It is okay if you do not want to shave, but hygiene is a must. This can infect other people also.
Take care of yourself. Clean yourself.
PS: VISIT THE DOCTOR. NOW.
(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to email@example.com.)
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)