Sexolve 112: ‘How Can I Get My Hymen Reconstructed?’

‘My hymen tore post a minor cycling accident. Where can I get a new hymen?’ Harish Iyer answers.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

‘How Can I Get My Hymen Reconstructed?’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 22 year old hotel management professional. Recently when I was cycling and had a minor accident and my hymen tore. I come from a community where virginity is considered to be sacred. I am really scared that my future husband may suspect that I had sex with someone that led to the tearing of the hymen. I told my mother and she was really upset too. She didn’t doubt me, she has full faith in me, she was upset because she was worried about my life after marriage. I have heard that hymen can be reconstructed. Could you please tell me how I could get that done at the cheapest cost where we could also be assured of confidentiality. Also, could you please tell me if the new hymen would end up staying till my marriage first night, or will it break before time? How much can we trust these products?

Scared Girl

Dear Scared Girl,

Thank you for opening up to me. Hymen is sensitive and could break due to many reasons other than actual intercourse. Men need to be made aware of that. Men need to know that.

I understand that men obsess over virginity. Some men judge the character of a woman by the intactness of her hymen. Such men are low in character.

You do not need to reserve the decision of the choice to marry someone with anyone else but yourself. Do not give the reins of your life in anyone else’s hand. Reserve the choice of guy for marriage with yourself. You should reject a man who has medival thoughts.

You cannot spend your life like a compromise. Exercise your choice.

You need to check with a plastic surgeon about the intactness of the hymen. I guess there wouldn't be any guarantees that one would be able to give, however, you need not rely on guesswork, but on qualified advice on issues like this.

I can only tell you that you do not need to hymen-up for being virgin enough for someone.

Regards,

RainbowMan

P.S. dil-se-advice... darling, skip the one’s who are bigoted.

‘My Son Was Looking At Pictures of Nude Women. How Do I Confront Him?’

Dear Rainbowman,

I am a mother of a 19-year-old son. I am a single mother as my husband passed away 15 years ago. I have been looking after finances and other things so I neglected my son. My son was quiet for the past few days. I wondered what tension can any 19 year old have. I had a tough life when I was 19. I decided to investigate when my son wasn’t at home. Last week, I went into his room and saw a bunch of magazines with photos of nude women. I was shocked. I didn’t bring it up with him but I am certain that he is in some bad company. How do I bring it up with him without him getting pissed off with me? I don’t want our relationship to be strained in anyway. How do I deal with this? What would have you done if you discovered such stuff in your son’s drawer?

Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom,

I understand your concerns. Early adulthood and teenage comes with its own sets of challenges.

I know that being a middle aged single mother comes with its own sets of challenges, but being a nineteen year old is no easy task either. Let’s not belittle the struggles of the young while we pride ourselves with the wisdom of being old. Let’s not go into the rhetoric of “in our days, we used to”, because your days were your days, your struggles were your struggles... and the challenges of every generation are different.

Now coming to the nude photographs in the magazine. I respect your maternal concern but you had no business snooping on your adult son’s personal stuff. Your son is an adult. Parents need to understand that and respect their kids space.

Of course he will have pictures of nude people, he is at an age where his hormones are raging a war inside him. Rather than getting perturbed I would urge you to have the necessary conversation right now about safe-sex, age and consent in sexual activities.

You asked what I will do if I discovered erotica in my son’s closet...? Well, I will firstly not open my son’s closet. But if I accidently discover something like that, I will buy him a pack of condoms and speak to him about how only an affirmative yes is a consensual yes in sex and that consent needs to be sought at every stage of sex, no matter how high our hormones are.

Please educate your son about safe sex and consent. Don’t get perturbed about the erotica. It’s his age. He will read such stuff.

Tally Ho!

Rainbowman

P.S. A part of me is happy that at 19 the boy is reading erotic books when he could just logon to some crappy porn website. Reminds me of my childhood.

‘Will a Woman Marry Me if I Have a Small Penis?’

Dear Rainbowman,

I have a small penis of 5 inches. I am afraid that I will not be able to live my life fruitfully if people disvover I have a small penis. ‘Will I find a woman who will marry me?’, ‘Will she stay with me after she finds out that I have a small penis?’ - These kind of things bother me. I feel scared.

Man-in-Distress

Dear Man-in-Distress,

Come on. Cheer up Man!

Stop comparing your size with others. As a gay man, I can share some information that could well be TMI(Too Much Information) about penis sizes. Penises come in all shapes and all sizes and a long penis doesnt mean that the sex is the best and a small penis doesnt mean that the sex is bad.

Do not obsesses over your penis size. There are techniques and methods to ensure that your partner is satisfied.

Your friends who judge you for your penis size are not your friends. Your partner, your wife, whoever she will be, needs to see more in you beyond the size of your penis.

I would still suggest that you consult a sexologist/andrologist you trust who will guide you further about how to enjoy sex to the fullest.

Regards,
RainbowMan.

P.S. Have a big size heart in bed. That matters more.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to [e-mail].)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

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