Sexolve 123: ‘Will My Girlfriend Get Pregnant After Oral Sex?’
‘‘I Am Worried My Girlfriend Will Get Pregnant After Oral Sex’’
‘‘I Am Worried My Girlfriend Will Get Pregnant After Oral Sex’’(Photo: iStockphoto)

Sexolve 123: ‘Will My Girlfriend Get Pregnant After Oral Sex?’

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.

This week’s Q&As below:

‘My Husband and I Didn’t Have Sex for 20 Years & I Confessed to Cheating on Him’

‘If your partner has neither been sensitive nor understands your desires that are trapped in silences, he is not someone who either loves or respects you.’
‘If your partner has neither been sensitive nor understands your desires that are trapped in silences, he is not someone who either loves or respects you.’
(Photo: iStockphoto)

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 42 year old woman and have been married for 20 years now. My husband and I have had no sex in all these 20 years. There was a moment when I got frustrated, when I was 27, and I had sex with a kind man in my building. Sex was not in the agenda, but it happened and I didn’t stop myself. I lived with guilt for many years. The guilt of cheating on my husband, who is a loving person was eating me up so badly that I felt suicidal many times. Last week, I opened up about my liaison to my husband.  He hugged me and said “I forgive you”. However after that he has been behaving a little different with me. I have tears in my eyes as I write to you, because just a while ago he asked me if I am more interested in sucking cocks than keeping clothes neatly in the cupboard. I was told that a woman’s body is a temple and I allowed it to get impure. This is going to be used against me again and again. I don’t know if I should have not told him at all? What do I do?

Ms Secret

Dear Ms Secret,

Thank you for sharing this private moment of your life with me.

Making love is a part of the entire expression of love. And your caring and loving husband should be sensitive to your sexual needs as well.  He should have no right to comment or lament if he has played no role in addressing your sexual needs or has brought it up with you.

Sensitivity is love. Understanding is love. If your partner has neither been sensitive nor understands your desires that are trapped in silences, he is not someone who either loves or respects you.

He might be a good person otherwise, but that doesn’t win respect.

Men seriously need to stop putting women on a pedestal.  Some of these pedestals are basically a way to keep women far away from their reality. I make no bones about the fact that I detest men who treat women in the extremes of a devi and a whore.

Men need to also realise that they demean themselves when they make superhumans of women. If we hold high benchmarks for a women’s body  equating it to a temple of sanctity and purity, what are men’s bodies… A gutter?

Sorry, I digressed. I don’t judge you for acting on your sexual desires a few many moons back. I suggest that you do not do it either.

I want you to love the person you meet in the mirror. Love yourself. You are not impure, you are not pure, you are human…. and as human as human could be.

Please do not place your husband on a pedestal. Bring up your desires (and how he failed you) with him. Speak to him with empathy and understanding. May be he has an issue that you could help with? However, do not take his insults lying down.

Smiles,
RainbowMan.

P.S.  Empathise, but also fight back.

Also Read : Sexolve 118: ‘My Wife is Not Very Interested in Sex’

‘My Boyfriend Looks at Me Sexually and I Find It Intimidating’

‘Without consent, there is no love. Be truthful with him. If he loves you, he will respect your consent.’ 
‘Without consent, there is no love. Be truthful with him. If he loves you, he will respect your consent.’ 
(Photo: iStockphoto)

Dear RainbowMan,

My boyfriend finds me sexy in underwears. He ensures that whenever we are together, I am always in an underwear. He looks at me weirdly and sexually when I pull down my trousers. And he gets terribly upset when I do not have an erection when he pulls my pant down. The issue is that I do not feel sexual when someone is staring at me sexually. I rather find it intimidating. How do I explain this to him.

Unhappy and Gay

Dear Unhappy and Gay,

Listen carefully.

Consent is the truest form of love.

Without consent, there is no love. Be truthful with him. If he loves you, he will respect your consent.

Tell him you don’t appreciate him looking at you sensually when you are undressed. Tell him that you don’t like undressing everytime.

More importantly, tell him that your erection is no measure of the love you have for him. Without respect, there is no love.

On that note, I hope he wins this test of love.

Smiles,
RainbowMan.

P.S. I love you.

Also Read : Sexolve 121: ‘Is My Relationship Falling Apart?’

‘I Am Worried My Girlfriend Will Get Pregnant After Oral Sex’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am in severe tension. My girlfriend and I were alone and we moved from first base to the subsequent bases quite quickly. She sucked my penis and since it was happening for the first time in my life, I got excited easily. I wanted to experience it like it is in porn films, so I came on her mouth. She got disgusted and we stopped. She quickly gargled out my cum. We didn’t not have sex because she got disappointed. I am worried that she would get pregnant.

Probable Father

Dear Probable Father,

First things first – the probability of you becoming a father because of oral sex is zero. Sperm has to be deposited into the vagina for a possible pregnancy.

Please understand sperms are like lazy people. They don’t travel too much or work too hard. They will not brave the entire travel from the mouth to the vagina internally.

Now to the first part of your question.

How dare you come on her mouth without warning her. You cannot disrespect a person in bed. It is not just about your pleasure. It is about her pleasure too.

Smiles,
RainbowMan.

P.S.  You are not going to be a father. Not this time.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com.)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

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