(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)
Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop-in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.
This week’s Q&As are below:
'People Judge Me!'
'I don’t have any boyfriend, so what is cheating here then.'
(Photo: iStock)
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 27 year old woman who loves men. I mean, I love more men.. more than one man. And I am fed up with people judging me all the time.
I was like chatting with this one person yesterday, and she asked me “when do you want to settle?”.
I told her that I am quite settled and that unsettled her. I mean, she got really angry and wild—she told me that you are playing with your body and your life and you are playing with people’s emotions.
The truth is that I don’t repeat my men and I don’t develop any emotional bond with them. I tell them that I am interested in sex and only sex.
I don’t have any boyfriend, so what is cheating here then.
I don’t know why people cannot mind their own business. They are my friend and they want to see me “settled” but I am very settled in my head and my life!
They should get a life. They are my closest friends so I can't tell them to f!@k off. What should I do?
Unapologetic Sex Seeker
Dear Sex Seeker,
Not everything in the world needs to be weighed on the scale of right and wrong.
It is your body, your heart, your mind and your desires, you can choose to do whatever you want with it. No one, close, or not, has the right to decide for you.
I know people think “committed relationships” are those which are monogamous. There is no one lens with which you can see things. There are many lenses.
Your affairs could be seen as cheating only if you are in a committed relationship and you have a pact of not seeing anyone else. And that’s not the case, I read.
I also read that you are being frank and people are making an informed choice of chatting with you.
I have had multiple sexual relationships too. And when I had those, one thing that I was careful about was safety – in terms of STD transmission.
Give your friends time. They may understand, and if they don’t, it is their battle. Leave them at that.
Regards, RainbowMan
P.S. Let people say. You just be.
'I Am Under Home Arrest'
'Please please help me.'
(Photo: iStock)
Dear RainbowMan,
I am in a house arrest. My boyfriend has been beating up. I was beaten up. I don’t know what to do. I am being taken to a doctor to treat me. Please help me. Please please help me.
Scared Gay Man
Dear Gay Man,
Thank you for writing in.
Confining you is a crime. Taking you to a doctor to “treat you” is a crime and can land the doctors in trouble, their degrees could be cancelled.
There has been a recent verdict from the Madras High Court against such inhumane, unscientific procedures to try and convert sexuality or gender in this regard.
Which city are you in? Could you send me more information on your whereabouts… I can connect you to non governmental organizations and local activists accordingly.
You could also call Humsafar Trust : 02226673800, www.humsafar.org
Please do reach out. What’s happening is a crime. You could also call 100 from your phone and lodge a complaint. However, if you go with a community based person, they can sensitize the police better.
With you,
RainbowMan
P.S. Please reach out.
'I Reused Condoms'
'I wore the same condom for three episodes'
(Photo: iStock)
Dear RainbowMan,
I have been cheated by a sexologist. She said if I wear a condom I will not become a father. She didn’t tell me that we need to change the condom like I change my underwear. I wore the same condom for three episodes until it tore completely and she got pregnant. I am angry.
Angry Young Husband
Dear Angry Young Husband,
The difference between condoms and underwear is that the underwear can be washed and reused. You cannot reuse condoms. Condoms are use-and-throw.
If it is the early stages of pregnancy, do check with the pregnant person if they want to carry the it to term. Leave the option of what they want to do with the child to them.
Best of luck
RainbowMan
P.S. Use a condom for every conceivable occasion. Literally.
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