Sexolve on Video: ‘My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me’ 

Equal Rights Activist Harish Iyer brings his weekly column Sexolve now on video. 

3 min read

From questions that leave your mind spinning, from complex relationship dynamics, to the other big question about how do I reduce my libido, to my favourite small penis, big penis, I have donned the hat of your RainbowMan and I have been sexolving these questions for you for three long years.

While I will continue to address your queries in my weekly column, I am also bringing the column to the video.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, and need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to me and I’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to

Dear RainbowMan,

My penis is too huge in width. I am scared that it will tear my wife’s vagina and will also cause me pain. I tried entering her vagina a couple of times, she yelled in pain and I couldn’t have the heart to go further. This is causing a rift in our relationship, how do you suggest we deal with this?

Big Man

Dear Big Man,

I am so happy that you are so considerate towards your partner’s feelings, because patriarchy doesn’t just impair women, doesn’t challenge just women alone, it challenges men as well. And it makes them a little more insensitive. So thank you once again for your patience, your consideration and for your empathy towards your partner.

I want you to extend your empathy. Hold your partner’s hand and go with her to a good gynaecologist. And ensure she opens up to the gynaecologist. In fact create an enabling environment so that she is able to open up. You know not just your wife, I would also say that an examination of both of you will be able to determine where the problem lies. So it’s important that you get examined and not just your partner.



Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 18 year old boy from Mumbai. I have been wanting to ask someone this but I am very embarrassed. I am of fair complexion to an extent that if someone pinches my cheeks it turns red like a tomato. Since the past one year though I have found a peculiar change in my privates. My dick was always darker than my body, but is becoming really black in colour.

Are there fairness creams for this purpose? Where can I get them? I am really worried of getting teased when I have sex.

Worried Penis,


Dear Worried Penis,

I know that this is bothersome specially when you look at your body parts and keep wondering why is his whiter than mine. And unfortunately there is absolutely no whitening cream as yet. I have heard of vaginal whitening gels and vaginal tightening gels but, those are really bad and I don’t think you deserve any of those. Respect is a two-way street and respect for each other’s bodies is something that is essential for a relationship. If that’s not happening, then dude that relationship is not happening. And it’s better that you take the call and you leave your partner.

When you are naked you are most vulnerable and you trust them with your vulnerability and at this time if someone bullies you and someone teases you then it doesn’t reflect badly on you, it reflects badly on them.

If you have any questions regarding your sexuality, sex and relationships, write to me on

(The questions are edited to hide and protect the identity of those who write to us)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals)

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