Sexolve 182: ‘I Am in Multiple Relationships. Is That Wrong?’
Harish Iyer answers all your love, sex and relationship queries in this week’s Sexolve.
Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, and need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to email@example.com.
This week’s Q&As below:
'Will the Pregnant Sperm and My Sperm Make a Baby Together?'
I have a genuine question. If a man has sex with a pregnant lady, will his sperm also mix with the pregnant sperm and help in the formation of the baby?
Dear Worried Man,
Thank you so much for writing in. There are thousands of sperms that are in a single ejaculate. Of these, it takes only one sperm to unite with an egg to form a baby.
And the egg is already formed, the same egg doesn’t accept more sperms to incorporate in the DNA of the egg.
I know all this sounds too complicatedly scientific. To tell you in lay-person-terms – no, your sperm and the sperm of the father of the child will not unite to form a baby in the circumstances you mentioned above.
Do not trouble yourself much. If it is sex with consent, and if you are free of any STDs, please go ahead. Just ensure that you have the consent of the gynecologist as well.
P.S. good luck.
'I'm a Dog Person, My to-Be Husband Is a Cat Person.'
I am going to get married soon. My to-be husband loves animals and so do I. The issue is that I have been a dog person all my life and my to-be husband is a cat person. How can we marry? I have read that dog people don’t like cat people. I feel our marriage will end in disaster. What are your tips?
Dear Doggo Gal,
Thanks for writing in yaar.
I love animals, and while I also say that I love some animals more than the other… truth be told, when it comes to demonstrating my love or standing up for them, I end up standing for all of them without bias. So, I feel if you both are lovers of animals, you would hit it off quite well.
Also, do you have pets and does he have pets? Do you plan to get pets? Remember that pets are a responsibility. Make it a thought out decision. After your marriage, are you hoping that your pets will live together in the same house too? Well, that would need some training and planning.
Dog people and cat people can love and live together. Just as dogs and cats can. I have a dog and a cat and they are best friends. Thus breaking the myth.
I wish you a good happy life with your chosen one.
P.S. If you decide to become a pet parent – please adopt, don’t shop.
'I Am in Multiple Relationships, Is That Wrong?'
I am a 32-year-old unmarried woman from India. I don't know how to put it. I am just a little hassle in the head. I am a little perplexed. I don’t want to look bad. The issue is that I am in a serious relationship with a woman. I am also dating a man. The woman is okay with me dating the man. But I like other men too. And other women too. This might not seem really harmful, but I have gone from liking to dating, to even getting little physical. Is that wrong?
Thank you for sharing. I know that one does face the fear of ridicule and judgment when we do things like these. Let me assure you at the outset, that I am not here to judge you. So there is no question of “looking bad”.
Also, we all come with our own ways of loving and defining the love that we feel… there is no right way to feel about anything except that one needs to value consent.
Polyamoury is the act where you can love more than one people. However, ethical polyamoury is advised, where you have the consent of all people in the relationship. Also this consent should be because they feel that way, and not because they want to compromise on their ideas of a relationship to fit into your idea.
It is for you and your female partner, the relationship with whom, you think is “serious”, to define the scope of the relationship and the boundaries. Because in all of this, I don’t know where your partner stands. I don’t know if she is accepting because she loves you, or if she is accepting because she feels so too. And is she seeing other people too.
I am not going to lecture you about morality. If your lesbian partner is okay with it, it should be no one else’s business. But I can definitely tell you that for many, some sort of shape to the relationship is an emotional safeguard.
The fact that you see other people besides your committed girlfriend and boyfriend, leaves the relationship fluid. There could be bouts of insecurity and anger. In situations like those, being honest and confessing your feelings honestly can be the best solution.
However, when you share, remember that you are responsible for your words and the ones who are on the other end can choose to disagree with you, sometimes vehemently. Some will negotiate.
Find where your heart is, and let your heart guide you to make adjustments and re-calibrations if need be.
When we love, we move with love.
P.S. If you don’t change for your heart, one may have a change of heart.
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals)
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