Sexolve 222: ‘My Imaginary Friend Had Sex With My Girlfriend’
Women having sexual desires is also natural and real, writes Harish Iyer in this week’s Sexolve.
(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)
Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, and need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As are below:
‘My Imaginary Friend Had Sex With My Girlfriend’
Dear Rainbow Man,
I am a 27-year-old man with imaginary friends. I think that they are all around me and I speak to them all the time. I, otherwise, am a loner. I don’t like meeting with people or interacting with them. I am an obsessive introvert. I cannot meet people. I feel anxious.
However, I am happy that I have a man whom I speak to everyday; he’s older than me by a couple of years. He doesn’t exist in person, but he exists. I am convinced that these people whom I speak to everyday, are people who are godsent. I can feel them around me and can feel that they are with me. I don’t share this with anyone because they may think I am mad. I am not mad. I can feel these people just as people can feel god.
Last night, I had a fight with Nick; he is 2 years younger than me. We fought because both of us love the same girl and I caught him in bed with her. The girl is someone I love in real life. Nick doesn’t exist in person, he exists in spirit. I told my girlfriend about Nick and ever since she has been fantasizing about him.
Last night, when she was sleeping, she f*cked him. I am so angry but don’t know who I can tell this to. I don’t think people will believe me. I am frustrated and when I caught my girlfriend red-handed, she told me that I should not bother her. She made me feel like I am a loser. I can’t deal with this.
Dear Angel Marc
Thank you for writing in and for trusting me with your challenges. We all have a little voice in our minds whom we speak to. Some call it the subconscious mind.
It is unfortunate that people choose to label you and judge you. No one deserves to be called ‘mad.’
You are not someone who deserves to be branded as “mad” because you have imaginary friends. But if these friends mess up and interfere with your real life, it would be a good idea to seek psychiatric assistance to ensure that this imagination is used to empower you and not to make you feel cheated.
I understand that you feel these imaginary voices are as real as real people. and that their actions affect you. There is a difference between the inner voice that propels you further in the direction of positivity and your imagination that derails you. We need to facilitate more positive discussions.
I urge you, very strongly, to visit a qualified mental health professional to make things better for yourself and your loved ones.
P.S. Take the first step towards seeking professional help. Things will change for the better, when you are willing to work on it.
‘I Am A Married Gay Man, And My Wife Wants To Meet Men’
I am a 45-year-old man, and my wife knows that I am gay. I have never loved her, I have never made love to her. We have a child - an adopted child whom we look after. She allows me to meet my gay friends and make love to them.
She has now expressed a desire to have sex with men. I am not willing to let her do that. She thinks it is unfair that I don’t approve of it. But my whole point is that she is a woman, and women cannot go and spread their legs around. I am not old-fashioned, I am just practical. How do I educate her?
Dear Worried Husband,
Thank you so much for writing in.
I am glad that you and your partner have a very good understanding about your sexuality. I don’t know where and how your relationship began, but I am happy that it is heading towards the path of more open conversations.
I assume that this is not breaking news to you - just as a man has sexual and emotional desires, women have desires too.
I don’t understand why one should have more liberties for cis-men as compared to other genders.
If you bring in societal norms, then if your so-called society tells you that homosexuality is unacceptable, would you stop seeing men? No, right?
Because you know, and we know, and science tells us that homosexuality is natural. Similarly, don’t you think women having sexual desires is also natural and real and scientific, beyond what society believes they can sanction. Double standards?
The bigger question also is who “society” is and who has given them any authority to sanction anything. Are they paying your bills? Also, maybe you should question yourself – are you disguising your own biases as ones by the “society”?
Point to ponder, right?
P.S. let her be, get out of her way.
‘Will Masturbation Make My Penis Whiter?’
Will regular masturbation make the color of the penis whiter over years?
Dear Small Man,
I haven’t heard of anything in science that says that your penis will get whiter or darker because of masturbation.
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals)
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